Monday, December 8, 2008

Where do I start?

I don't know whether to start at the beginning, or to start with today and just catch up all the details. Either way the task of documenting Ryan's life thus far already seems quite overwhelming.

Perhaps the easiest thing might be for me to start from the beginning of my memory. I suppose you might say that it really started on September 20, 2006. That was the day I had Deborah. I know ... this is about Ryan, not Deborah. But that really is the first day that I realized that there was definitely another baby for our family. Until that Wednesday evening, I had thought perhaps we'd have more children ... and then again maybe not.

Deborah wasn't born until after 4 pm that day due to complications with another Mom's c-section. Much of the evening after her birth was a blur. But one of my very first memories after her birth was of Dwight standing next to my bed. I don't remember anything else he said to me except ... "There's still one more baby."

Now days I joke about this and tease that he was crazy for thinking of another baby only hours after I had just had a baby. But, it was actually a comforting statement to me. Crazy, right? Not really. See, Dwight confirmed what I felt. A second witness.

At my 6-week post-partum follow up, I spoke to Dr. Shows about having another baby. At that time, she didn't see any problem with it but suggested that I give my uterus at least 1 year to recover. So, I did.

In September 2007, I was anxious to get pregnant again. My clock was ticking loudly. I knew I hoped to have my last baby before turning 40. I just didn't feel we had a lot of time to wait around.

Sometime between the time I had Deborah and when we found out we were pregnant, I had a very sacred experience. I was in my bedroom and I thought I saw a child standing by my closet. The child was very serious. I could not see a lot of details, but I could sense that the child had a very heavy decision to make or something similar.

I actually thought from the experience that it was probably a girl, but wasn't sure. I wasn't even sure at the time that the child I thought I saw was actually my child. I didn't really understand the meaning of it at the time. It has only been through prayer and retrospect that I have come to realize that it was Ryan.

As a side note, I have been privileged to see most of my children prior to their birth. I suppose it is because the Lord knows that I need advance warning on pretty much everything. I typically deal well with things once I adjust. The Lord giving me advance notice helps me to adjust so much faster.

No comments: