I've been feeling a little overwhelmed lately with the limitations of my body. Next Sunday I turn 45 and although 20 years ago I thought it would never happen to me, my body is starting to show new signs of aging. I've had wrinkles for a few years and the grey hairs came in with a vengeance after chemo, but now I have all new creaks and pains.
A few weeks ago, I was doing squats--nothing new just your typical run of the mill exercise squat--using only my body weight for resistance when I noticed a pain in my mid to lower back. It wasn't severe or shooting, but it was enough of a pain that I stopped after finishing only half of the planned squats.
Last week, I started having pain in my right shoulder and arm. It made it very difficult to lift or even move Ryan. And, my right hip makes a creaking noise now when I move, much like the old wood floors at my Aunt's house did when I was a child.
To add insult to injury, I spoke to a physical therapist about all of this and she simply said: "You're not getting any younger."
The hardest part of accepting all of this is that while I may not be getting any younger, Ryan is getting older and bigger for which I am very thankful. Somehow I just need to figure out how to make my body stronger and stop this aging process. I can only imagine how much more difficult it is going to become to move him in and out of the car seat, bed, and wheelchair. I need to be able to care for Ryan long term and that requires me being able to do all of those things. It's a little overwhelming.
Saturday I was thinking about all this as I loaded the groceries in the van. When I was returning to the van after putting away the grocery cart, a lady who was walking toward me gently smiled at me and said, "I pray there will always be a parking spot for you." Now, I wasn't parked in handicapped parking because I didn't have Ryan with me. However, I suppose she saw the tags on my car and maybe the wheelchair. But, I thought a lot about what she said and how thoughtful it was for her to say it to me. She and her husband seemed to need handicapped parking more, even if Ryan were with me. Yet, the fact that she would pray for me to have a spot was so generous and kind.
While I feel very overwhelmed with my aging body and the need to strengthen so that I may do all that is required of me, I am grateful for the many blessings that I have and recognize that I have been blessed with so much.