Monday, January 11, 2010

Battling with old demons

This past weekend was a rough weekend in some ways. Ryan is still running a fever and obviously feeling quite miserable. I felt okay health wise - horrible headache, low grade nausea, and slight fatigue, but okay. Yet, it was a rough weekend spiritually. An old battle flared up. Without going into details of the events, I want to share with you the small victory.

There was a point when I felt very hopeless about the situation this weekend and I found myself fighting demons that I thought I had conquered long ago. I was tired. They were strong. Stronger than I was. I kept them at bay for a while. I asked for relief. The relief didn't come.

In the past, I have had a tendency to isolate myself and just work through my problems on my own. Believing that I'm strong. Believing that I might be weak if I'm not independent. I was able to successfully "defend" for a while and then I grew tired. Keeping with the battle analogy, hostages were being taken and nothing was being spared for the win.

When I realized that it wasn't working, I thought of the comfort and strength I have gained from sharing my physical (health) trials with you. I thought of the strength and the support I have felt from so many prayers on my behalf. I decided to try something new.

I reached out to a few friends. I asked them to pray for me and briefly told them of my struggles. Two responded almost instantaneously. Another responded later. It didn't seem to help immediately like I wanted. I had a vision of how the battle would end. It wasn't happening. I continued to fight my hardest.

Then something really wonderful happened. Hearts were softened.

The battle wasn't "won." It became unnecessary. Unimportant.

Prayers were given ... and answered.

I hope you have no battles today. I hope your demons all stay away. But, if you ever have a dark hour ... or a dark moment, I will pray for you.

1 comment:

chickadee3357 said...

I hate those demons and yet they are forever nagging us. You are in my thoughts and prayers Tina. I love you.