Saturday, January 3, 2009

Are you looking at me?

In the early morning hours, with very little light in the room, I was nursing Ryan. When he finished nursing, while still snuggled in my arms, he seemed to be looking at me. Can he see me? Does he feel joy when he sees me?

Friday, January 2, 2009

Happy New Year!

We had a wonderful start to our new year. Dwight took me out to a nice dinner while the munchkins ate Lunchables (their choice) at home. We let the kids stay up a little late and then tucked them into their cozy beds. Then Dwight woke them up again at 11.30 pm to watch the New Year roll in. We had some bubbly peach juice and egg nog. (Did you know that I find the thought of drinking egg nog to be just disgusting?) But the kids love it with t a little whipped cream and nutmeg on top. Then we also had some toasted baguettes with pancetta and melted mozarella cheese, a smoky bacon cheese ball with ritz crackers, and some little weiner bites. I thought the kids would really love those, but not so much. Oh, well. We had fun talking and laughing for a little while then we all went to bed for the night.

Can you believe that it's 2009? I can't. It seems like it wasn't that long ago that Laura and I were celebrating the new year at her Mom's ... oh, and I also remember celebrating with Amber ... okay that must have been a while ago though ... I think we were like 12. Anyway the point is... I think it's crazy how fast the years go. It won't be long till we have children starting to get married. That's crazy. Of course, I think it'll be great to knit beautiful heirloom sweaters for the grandbabies! Won't that be great?!

So I know a lot of people are thinking about new year's resolutions at this time of the year. One year I spent tons and tons of time on them. I started by writing out what I would want people to say about me when I died. Then I sat goals based on that information. For example, I wanted people to say I was a good friend. So I sat a goal to write at least one letter each week. And, I wanted people to say that I was a gospel scholar. So I sat a goal to study one gospel topic each week. I won't bore you with all the goals from that year ... especially since I don't remember them all. I kept a few, and I forgot about a few before the end of the first week I'm sure.

This year I've been thinking ... I don't want to be a complainer. I don't think I complain a lot. So, I'm going to instead learn not to be critical. I am critical. Did you read that quote on the side bar? Sometimes our criticisms are worse than the behavior we're trying to correct. Well, I think that might be true for me. I used to work in Quality Assurance (like Dwight), and so I have been trained to be very detailed, and to find all the flaws in a program. Unfortunately, that crossed over into my life and so sometimes I can be very critical. (No, I'm not always. So, please know that I'm not judging everything you do.)

Anyway ... to this end we're changing some of the kids' daily expectations. I'm not going to require them to clean up the toys in their rooms daily. I hope I can tolerate it. I'm a little neurotic about it at times. And, I can be very critical of how they clean. We'll see how it goes.

But, I've also been thinking about another thing ... it's not a resolution. It's really more of a project. I've been thinking I'd like to re-read Jesus the Christ by Talmage. But, this time, I'd like to write letters to my children explaining what I read to them. Eventually, I'd like to put those letters into a book format, but for now, I'll just work on the reading and writing part.

Now, here's why I'm sharing this with all of you. I have a bit of an issue with fear of failure. I don't like to have people see me fail. So, I've learned to use it to my advantage. I have found that if I tell people what I'm working on then I feel accountable to really stick to it. So, there you have it. Now you know.... I'll be working on not being critical ... and on reading Jesus the Christ, and writing letters to my kids about it. (I'd also tell you that I'm going to be working on losing 10 pounds, but the sugar cookie dough in the refrigerator is still calling my name. I'd better wait till I'm really committed to lose the weight.)

Better go... Ryan has been throwing up today. After the last round, I laid him down on his playmat while I washed my hands and he fell asleep. Doesn't he look sweet?

Sunday, December 28, 2008

My favorite quote

My nephew Kevin gave me a beautiful gift for Christmas this year. It was a complete surprise, and I just love it. I framed it as soon as I returned home from Indiana. Isn't it great?Thanks, Kevin!