Friday, March 4, 2011

It's that time again...

It's that time again for my 3-month follow up visit to check and see what the status of my cancer is. I've had the appointments scheduled for a while now, but I guess I've been in a bit of denial. I hadn't made all of the other arrangements until just recently.

I had planned on driving down with a friend on the morning of the tests and returning the same evening, but due to details those plans had to change. So yesterday morning I was busy finalizing some of the details of the plans. The reality of "every 3 months for TWO years" hit hard. I'll admit that I was a bit teary eyed by the end and was even feeling a wee bit sorry for myself.

If you've been reading my blog for long, you probably already know that I'm really not good at endurance events. I'm much better at the sprinting stuff, and yet I know that one of the lessons I'm to learn in "all this" is to endure well.

And, just like with all things ... for every trial there's a blessing, right? So ... where's the blessing?

Yesterday afternoon one of my very favorite people came over to visit. We were talking about my upcoming 3 month checkup and she shared with me some personal things and some personal views. And, I think I'll adopt them! Maybe you'll want to also.

Every 3 months for me ... maybe for you, it will be every year during your annual exam ... I will go for my cancer checkups expecting a clean bill health and feeling and expressing gratitude for the answers. I won't stress about it, or feel sad or overwhelmed about it. I'm just going to think of it as an opportunity to be thankful.

Aren't we blessed to live in this day?

It really is interesting how just that simple conversation with my friend was enough to turn my thoughts from feeling completely overwhelmed and burdened by every 3 months for TWO years to really thankful that the doctors are taking such good care of me. It was just the reminder that I needed. I am thankful that my friend took time out of her very busy day yesterday to stop by to visit, and I'm especially thankful that she lives the kind of life that makes her such a great example to me. I hope you all have a friend like her!

PS In case you're wondering I have tests next week and the following week. I should have all the tests results back by March 16th. I'll keep you all posted. I fully anticipate everything will be the same, but will you keep me in your prayers? I can always use the insurance. :)

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Please don't let me forget this moment.

I don't even know if I can describe today. I almost hesitate to write about it for fear that it will lose something in the translation, but I don't ever want to forget today. So I'll do my best to share with you one of the coolest moments perhaps in my life. Definitely one of the coolest moments in my life with Ryan.

Today we had therapy with Dee Dee. You might remember that she is Ryan's Occupational Therapy. If you remember that, you might also know that we love Dee Dee. Of course, you probably also remember Nelda, Ryan's nurse, and I'm sure you know that I think Nelda has been a huge blessing.

Today Ryan was working on kneeling next to his little desk/table and pushing on a big vibrating button. He was sure in a good mood! Lots of smiles.

Then Dee Dee suggested some tummy time work. That's not always his favorite thing. It's hard work. But he cooperated with very little fussing. He quickly made it obvious that he wanted to work on crawling. So Dee Dee put him on his hands and knees. She helped him with his knees and I helped him with his hands.

This is where it gets really cool...

He crawled (4 or 5 moves) to me. When he made his way to me, I picked him up to give him big hugs. His legs were really stiff. He had worked his little muscles SO hard. I hugged him tight and put one hand under his shirt to rub his back. He leaned his head against my shoulder and with his hands grasped at my shirt as if to hug me back. We hugged for a moment like that with me support his weight, one hand under his bum and one hand on his back.

THEN he pushed his little head up and his body away from mine and looked right at my face. Right at my face. And he talked to me. Not with words like ours, but with Ryan words. He held his body and his head so strong like any toddler would.

I wish I had a word to describe what I saw and felt.

I think it must have lasted for a full minute. He had a lot to tell me. Perhaps he wanted me to know that he is going to crawl. He is determined. Perhaps he was reminding me to keep the faith. He sure is a strong boy. Whatever he was saying, he was saying with full purpose.

It was one of those moments that I hope is written on my heart, never to be forgotten.