I think Ryan smiled today when he heard my voice. Once I went to the crib to pick him up, and as soon as I spoke, he smiled. Then another time, he was laying on his play mat, and as soon as he heard my voice, he smiled.

So what did I do today?

changed Ryan's diaper, nursed Ryan, checked bank accounts, updated finance record, checked on health care account, wondered why the hospital still hasn't put the charge through, checked calendar, recorded appointment with Dr Kempf for November 09, threw away the card (one less piece of junk), put Ryan back to bed, woke up Dwight asked him to get the 5 older kids ready to ride with me, showered, found out Johnathon threw up again, inquired where (whew ... he made it to the toilet), talked with Dwight to make changes to the schedule, turned off back porch light and opened kitchen blinds, plugged in family room Christmas tree, checked to see if Jacob had his Scout shirt on and his book with him, reminded kids to brush their teeth, turned off front outdoor lights and turned on livingroom Christmas tree lights, opened livingroom blinds, found Jacob's merit badge card & confirmed that we'd keep them in my drawer for safe keeping, reminded Jacob to tuck in his shirt, opened the game room blinds, laid out clothes for Deborah to wear, checked on Johnathon, confirmed that Jacob knew both the home phone number and my cell phone number, said good bye to Jessica Dwight and Jacob, checked on Deborah and David, put a piece of toast in the toaster, moved the clothes from the dryer to the couch, had David move the clothes from the washer to the dryer, sorted all the laundry, started another load of laundry, asked David to fold and put away the towels, answered questions about which towel goes where, took pillowcases off my bed, cleaned my vanity, shook out the rugs, cleaned the master water closet, moved Dwight's shoes to his closet, decided to and cleaned Dwight's vanity (again), vacuumed 1/2 of the master bath, mopped the master water closet's floor, noticed Deborah was going poopy and quickly convinced her to move to the big girl toilet, moved the pillowcases down to the laundry, celebrated Deborah going poopy on the big girl toilet, washed our hands, gave Deborah 1-2-3-4-5 treats, put a diaper on Deborah, gave David 5 treats, reviewed yellow green and orange colors with Deborah, got Deborah dressed for the day, turned on Blue's Clues with Steve, wrote in Ryan's medical journal, checked on Ryan, checked on Johnathon, opened the windows in Johnathon's room and the game room, helped David unload the newspapers from the box we received, gathered trash from the master bedroom, helped David move the gifts from G&G Mann to the tree, checked the tree to see if it needed more water, covered the downstairs couch with a blanket, helped Johnathon move to the downstairs couch, arranged towels to protect the floor and furniture, put a large plastic bowl next to Johnathon in case he needs to puke again, helped David clean the master shower, went through the paperwork on my desk, filed some papers, made a list of things to do today, added some things to the list of needed groceries, finally ate the toast for breakfast and had a glass of oj, checked to see how David was doing, helped David get a movie started for Johnathon, put a dvd back into its case and asked Deborah not to do that any more, made Johnathon & Deborah each a piece of toast, unloaded a few dishes, got the sheets out of the dryer, folded and put away the bed linens for the guest bedroom, typed up what I had done, checked on David, moved the pillowcases from the washer to the dryer, reminded Deborah not to bother the gifts under the Christmas tree, and started a load of my whites, straightened the floor of the linen closet, took Johnathon a drink of water, took the gifts from Deborah and put them back under the tree (will reattach the bows later), talked to Ryan, removed the sheets & blankets from my bed, put sheets in laundry (will do blanket another time), opened the bedroom curtains, put clean sheets on the bed and wondered why manufacturers do not indicate where the top/bottom of the sheet is ... why do I have to figure it out each time? Decided to mark it with a sharpie ... a nice long line... wondered if it'll work. Responded to Kevin's IM. Moved another bag of trash out of my room ... where does all the trash come from? continued conversation with Kevin, checked time ... 11.22 ... wondered when I should go pick up Jacob ... hope he has access to a phone to call me. turned off blue's clues in my bedroom (oh, happy day), turned on Christmas music, played with Ryan, put (dirty) blanket back on bed ... I love a freshly cleaned linens and a made bed, talked to Kevin about being a big brother, volunteered to be a reference for him ... he'll be a great big brother, resisted the urge to snitch a piece of the fudge (Dwight doesn't even know it was sent in the box from his parents), asked David to take the trash out to the trash cans, picked up Ryan ... he smiled at me!!! ... talked to him, changed his diaper, put a new outfit on Ryan, put his sleeper in the laundry, asked David to put our shampoos etc back into the shower, got caught by Deborah & turned back on Blue's clues, reminded Deborah not to yell at me, found the dvd player's remote, found a Blue's Clues episode with Joe instead of Steve and turned it on for Deborah, asked David to unload the dishwasher, nursed Ryan (enjoyed the moment to rest), checked email ... deleted 4 obvious junk mails ... followed up on Christmas order for G&G Mann, sent Dwight an email to let him know his parents should receive their gift on 12.15, checked on status of gift for Echelle's family, added that information to Dwight's email and sent it, reviewed toys r us deals of the day to see if I need to go there today, added it to my list since one of Jacob's most desired items is 40% off ... whewhoo!!! Printed the coupon for his gift and added it to the to do list, checked on Deborah, put Ryan in his carseat, went to church to pick up Jacob ... 11.51 ... still hasn't called ... don't want him sitting there waiting by himself or something... oh, first better put on jeans, gave instructions to David, loaded Ryan, and went to church. went into church and gathered Jacob, drove to gas station, talked with Dwight on the phone to see how his day is going, realized I didn't have my wallet, drove home, unloaded Ryan ... he's asleep ... put him in the crib, checked on Johnathon and Deborah. Asked David to finish cleaning the kitchen. Asked Jacob to take the pillowcases upstairs. Moved whites from washer to dryer. Started a load of our colored clothes. asked Jacob to clean up his bedroom and bathroom. checked the kids' bath tub drain. Put drain-o in it. checked time. 12.25 pm. Put pillowcases on pillows ... wondered why we have TEN pillows on our bed. Laid out some lunch foods. Asked Jacob to put mine in the oven. Decided to have a piece of fudge afterall... yummy! Folded up the guest bedroom pillowcases and put them away. Put away my comb. Finished off the bottle of water on my desk. 12.40 pm Ran hot water down the kids' bathtub drain. Picked up trash in the hall way and threw it away. Asked David to get Deborah out of my bathroom. Updated blog. turned off water in kids' bathroom. moved Deborah away from Jessica's desk. Put Jessica's art stuff out of reach. finished final touches to the master bathroom. helped Deborah clean up her toys in the master bedroom. moved g&G mann treats from off the printer to the bed. Scanned picture of Deborah and Dr bob. Put school art stuff back in art bag. found Jessica's first check and put it with her party invitation to give to her. put library cards & toys r us rewards card in my wallet. put coupons in diaper bag. cleaned trash out of diaper bag. filed receipts. put away coupons. started Christmas wish list. added Jessica & Jacob's ortho appointments to the calendar. added note on to do list to call ortho about bands for Jessica. reviewed Jessica's stack of outgrown clothes ... moved them to the quilting box. ate 1/3 of my lunch. added note to pay sarah roberts $18 for banana chips. added a blog about Deborah's first dentist appointment. finished my lunch. answered a call & verified that Jessica is planning on babysitting tonight. showed the blog to David. talked to Ryan. asked David to get the whites from the laundry room, gathered hangers for clothes. did physical therapy on my hand. checked time ... 1.30 pm. checked on Deborah. helped Jacob get movies together to return. Asked Jacob & David to go get mail ... watched from the window. reread my affirmations. Hung a picture up on my mirror that Johnathon drew for me. scanned Jessica's self-portrait. Sent self email with soccer coaches name. Filed soccer papers in David and Jacob's folders. completed Scout paperwork. Asked David to switch the colored clothes from washer to dryer. cropped Jessica's self portrait file and then added a blog about it. checked Jacob's bathtub and asked him to touch it up a bit. talked with Dwight about Jacob's privileges. looked up information for insurance paperwork. completed insurance paperwork for Dwight's additional coverage and addressed & stamped envelope. set up the black room for Ryan for visual therapy. did some physical therapy stuff with Ryan. took a few pictures to post on his medical journal later, Vacuumed master bedroom. moved visual image to right side of Ryan. finished bottle of water by my bed. Opened master bedroom window. completed some bexarmet paperwork. reminded boys to finish their lunches and clean up after themselves. checked email. drew a self portrait and posted it. filed more receipts. hung up some clothes. put away the black box and played with Ryan. folded garments. threw away the broken laundry basket piece. added new socks to list of things to buy for Deborah. received great big smiles from Ryan when I got him out of his chair. tickled and cuddled him for a couple of minutes. changed Ryan's diaper. Asked David to switch the laundry. Checked on Deborah. Threw away dirty diaper and got Ryan dressed again. Moved Ryan to his playmat. calmed Deborah and got her down from the high chair. Started the sheets in the washer. Picked up trash from the stairs & threw it away. changed Deborah's diaper. took Deborah to big girl potty. threw away the dirty diaper. hung up some more clothes. sorted & matched socks. reminded Deborah to finish pottying, greeted Dwight & Jessica. looked at Jessica's art project. reminded Deborah to finish pottying, listened to Dwight tell me what he needs to do, felt a little disappointed that he didn't even notice that I've been working my butt off today, but still glad to have it done. put away my clothes. Asked Jessica to put a diaper on Deborah & to put her down for a nap. Put away Deborah and Ryan's clothes. cleaned the potty chair, threw away the empty Soft Scrub bottle. Reminded Jessica to shower before her babysitting appointment. Put away the bathroom cleaning supplies that were returned by Jacob. Put the wipes boxes back away. Put away Dwight's garments. Put Ryan's hat in the closet. Nursed Ryan. Dried Ryan's chin. Burped him and dried his chin again. Put final touches on the master bedroom. Checked time.... 3.20 pm. nursed Ryan some more. talked with Dwight. caught up on FB. put ryan in carseat. put on mascara & shoes. curled hair. went to store to buy gift for a friend. bought gift for donation, met Dwight & Jacob at the toy store, bought Jamba Juices, went to Target and bought items on my grocery list plus stocked up on wipes since they were 30% off, came home from store, helped put away purchases, changed Deborah's stinky diaper, talked with David, ate another piece of fudge, laid out pj's for Deborah, gave a piece of fudge to David, put 2 diapers into diaper bag, left with Ryan to go Christmas shopping for kids ... 6.42 pm. filled the van with gas, talked with Dad on cell phone, stopped to eat dinner, talked with Tami, drove to store, changed Ryan's diaper, nursed Ryan & spoke to a new Grandma, bought Christmas gifts for kids, drove home & talked with Dwight, took the clothes out of the dryer and put them on the couch, moved clothes from washer to the dryer, started a new load of wash, moved gifts into my closet, watched a short video clip that Dwight had found online, turned on computer, filled bathtub, re-arranged gifts in closet, laid out Ryan's pjs, gave Ryan a bath, dried and dressed Ryan, put dirty clothes in laundry, nursed Ryan, checked email, deleted junk mail, checked out some "deals" (not really good deals though) on ebay, checked time .. 11.03 pm ... wondered when Jessica will be home from babysitting, changed Ryan's diaper again, heard Jessica come in, talked with her about her babysitting job, put Ryan in his bed, showed Jessica the gifts she wanted me to get for her, put the gifts back in my closet, picked Ryan back up, burped him some more, gave him some Mylicon, tried nursing him again, ate a pear, handed Ryan off to Dwight, watched the last 20 minutes of a tv show, updated blog, checked time ... 12.13 am ... so glad it's finally the Sabbath ... a day of rest .... hoping to get to bed soon.

Deborah's First Dentist Appointment

Today was Deborah's very first dentist appointment. Dr. Childers, our orthodontist said I would need to sit on the chair with her and hold her. But, NO. Deborah wanted to sit on the chair by herself. She LOVED it! She opened her mouth wide, let them take pictures, and put flouride on her teeth. Nothing but smiles. I must say that this is to the credit of the most amazing dentist/orthodontist office ever! Dr Childers, Dr Bob, and our friend Dr Casey do a great job at fostering a truly child friendly office. I have not met a single employee who did not seem to love being there and love the children. We've been going there now for 4 years and will not change. It's so nice for me to be able to take all the children and still feel relaxed. :)

Today about an hour into my physical therapy appointment, I heard Ryan crying in the small waiting area. I quickly went to check on him. Normally Jessica and Ryan walk the building, and Ryan naps.

He was fine ... Just hungry. My Physical therapist asked if she could hold him. We had discussed his issues previously and I could see that she was gently evaluating him.

She observed that he is doing something abnormal with his right arm. He also wouldn't turn his head to the left, only the right. She also commented that he does not appear to be focusing his eyes. She also observed that he scissors his legs.

Jessica And I had a good follow up conversation. At one point she said, Deborah will be happy to hold him up.

I'm thankful for a daughter who holds me up. And who always seems to see that others help to lift is up.

Where do I start?

I don't know whether to start at the beginning, or to start with today and just catch up all the details. Either way the task of documenting Ryan's life thus far already seems quite overwhelming.

Perhaps the easiest thing might be for me to start from the beginning of my memory. I suppose you might say that it really started on September 20, 2006. That was the day I had Deborah. I know ... this is about Ryan, not Deborah. But that really is the first day that I realized that there was definitely another baby for our family. Until that Wednesday evening, I had thought perhaps we'd have more children ... and then again maybe not.

Deborah wasn't born until after 4 pm that day due to complications with another Mom's c-section. Much of the evening after her birth was a blur. But one of my very first memories after her birth was of Dwight standing next to my bed. I don't remember anything else he said to me except ... "There's still one more baby."

Now days I joke about this and tease that he was crazy for thinking of another baby only hours after I had just had a baby. But, it was actually a comforting statement to me. Crazy, right? Not really. See, Dwight confirmed what I felt. A second witness.

At my 6-week post-partum follow up, I spoke to Dr. Shows about having another baby. At that time, she didn't see any problem with it but suggested that I give my uterus at least 1 year to recover. So, I did.

In September 2007, I was anxious to get pregnant again. My clock was ticking loudly. I knew I hoped to have my last baby before turning 40. I just didn't feel we had a lot of time to wait around.

Sometime between the time I had Deborah and when we found out we were pregnant, I had a very sacred experience. I was in my bedroom and I thought I saw a child standing by my closet. The child was very serious. I could not see a lot of details, but I could sense that the child had a very heavy decision to make or something similar.

I actually thought from the experience that it was probably a girl, but wasn't sure. I wasn't even sure at the time that the child I thought I saw was actually my child. I didn't really understand the meaning of it at the time. It has only been through prayer and retrospect that I have come to realize that it was Ryan.

As a side note, I have been privileged to see most of my children prior to their birth. I suppose it is because the Lord knows that I need advance warning on pretty much everything. I typically deal well with things once I adjust. The Lord giving me advance notice helps me to adjust so much faster.

Where is God?

Don't panic... I'm not expressing my personal thoughts or feelings with the title of this post. :) I just wanted to share a great poem with everyone ...

He was just a little boy, On a week's first day. Wandering home from Bible school, And dawdling on the way. He scuffed his shoes into the grass; He even found a caterpillar. He found a fluffy milkweed pod, And blew out all the 'filler.' A bird's nest in a tree overhead, So wisely placed up so high. Was just another wonder, That caught his eager eye. A neighbor watched his zig zag course, And hailed him from the lawn; Asked him where he'd been that day And what was going on. 'I've been to Bible School ,' He said and turned a piece of sod. He picked up a wiggly worm replying, 'I've learned a lot about God.' 'M'm very fine way,' the neighbor said, 'for a boy to spend his time.' 'If you'll tell me where God is, I'll give you a brand new dime.' Quick as a flash the answer came! Nor were his accents faint. 'I'll give you a dollar, Mister, If you can tell me where God ain't.'

This morning I was in the kitchen making myself breakfast. (Yes, I know it was Fast Sunday, but I'm a nursing Mommy.) Jacob was cleaning up the kitchen. Johnathon was sitting at the table writing in a notebook. Jessica was sitting in the window seat drawing. Ryan and Daddy were sleeping late. And, come to think of it, I don't know where David was. Deborah was pushing the trash can all around the kitchen when I noticed she was also singing. The tune was familiar. What was the song? The ABC song. You know the one... A B C D E F G (breath) H I J K L M NOP (breath) Q R S (breath) T U V (breath) W X Y and Z. You remember it, right? Well, she was only singing S T X Y Z. So, I started singing it with her. Whenever we got to the part ... Now I know my ABC's. Next time won't you sing with me? ... yes, that part. Whenever we got to that part, she would just smile so big! It was quite cute. Tonight she sung ... or would that be sang ?? ... the song for for Daddy. She actually started with A B C D, and needed a few promptings but made it through most of the song. Is it wrong to think she must be the smartest little 2 year old in the world? Well, she is at the very least the smartest little 2 year old in my world.
And, since we're on the subject of Deborah ... check out the hair! I curled it!!! She actually stood still long enough to let me curl it. And, today she wanted her hair curled again for her class. (She loves her nursery class.) It really looked SOOO cute!

Jessica's Self-Portrait

Jessica did this self-portrait today in her art class. Have you ever tried to create a self-portrait? Here's mine...