Ryan seems to be feeling better today. One of his Respiratory Therapists, Holly, started being a little more aggressive with the IPV machine and I think it's making a difference.
Additionally, Ryan's teacher, Mrs. V and her husband, came to the hospital to see him. She is the best teacher ever! We had the nicest visit with her. I had a feeling on Friday that Ryan would really like to see her. I'm sure I was right!
Every time she walked away from Ryan, he would call her back with this definite "Mmmm" sound. Then she started rubbing his head, and when she'd quit, he'd wave his hand as if to say, "More! Keep going!" It's a good thing he's so adorable. Otherwise, it might just seem really demanding! :)
You know, earlier this week when I was at home with Ryan, I was really worried about him. He was so pale white and sick. He certainly wasn't enjoying this experience at all. The thought occurred to me several times that Ryan might go Home this time, and that perhaps Ryan was ready to go Home. I had lots of time to think about it as the minutes of the night passed, waiing for the next time his sats dropped too low and he needed to be repositioned. It was a sad, and perhaps scary thought for me. I don't think I'm ready for Ryan to leave our family, even if it's only a short time. I felt a little overwhelmed and sad by the thought. Okay, really saddened by the thought.
Then yesterday I went to the school to see a special activity that Deborah was doing. As I was driving to and from the school, I listened to a talk by Mary Ellen Edmunds. She was talking about lessons in gratitude she learned from her time in Africa. Some of you may be familiar with the stories she told. She was there during a time when much of the world was having a drought. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints invited all of their members, worldwide, to join together in fasting for water. This man, who did not have running water said he wished that he could send some of their water to those of us in the United States. Isn't that amazing! As I listened to her talk, a feeling of gratitude washed over me. Somewhere in the world, a mom, or perhaps several moms, were losing their little ones without any preparation. I could for a moment sense the great shock and devastation of thinking all is well and then having such horrific news. And, in an instant, I felt such gratitude for all the moments I have. I felt gratitude for the times when I am able to prepare myself for that eventual day when I will have to say good bye to my sweet little boy.
I hope it will not be too soon. I also pray that he will not linger so long on earth as to be miserable here. My world is filled with joy and a measure of that joy comes from Ryan and all the lessons I have learned from him. Although I would be glad to serve him all the days of my life, I am truly thankful for the moments of reflection that make me appreciate each moment a little more.
Thanks for all of your prayers!