We Are Now a Complete Family

Deborah is thrilled to finally complete our family. Every member of our family now wears
... or at least should wear glasses or contacts.

And, doesn't she look smart and beautiful in her new glasses!

The Light Will Come

One year ago about right now as I type this the most difficult trial I have as of yet faced began. I was not sure how my life would move forward. I knew it would, but I knew my life was changed forever.  I didn't know if I would ever eat, sleep, or even breathe the same again.  My face drooped with worry.  My eyes lost their smile.  I did not feel hunger or sleepiness.  I felt consumed.   At the same time, Ryan took a steep dive downward in health and I thought I was losing him.  He had multiple severe seizures.  Each morning I went to his bedside nervous that he might not be alive.  I spent my days and evenings trying to comfort children and make sense of something that didn't make sense to me.  My heart ached. 

As this date has started to approach I have had mixed emotions.  At first, it felt like something to be dreaded, like when New Year's rolls around again and one realizes they still didn't reach their goals from last year.  I'm sure none of you have ever felt that way though.  Then I realized that this is not like that.  This is a date to be celebrated.  It is one year later and:   I can breathe.  I can sleep. I feel hunger again.  But, those aren't the important things that I've learned, or really remembered through it all.

We are blessed with an organized church.  We have home teachers and visiting teachers and Bishops and Stake Presidents and teachers.  It is very organized.  People have volunteered positions to play and for the most part, people play their rolls very well.  I'm so thankful for the rolls they played.  Each of them were essential in helping and they did it so gently and kindly.  Some play a small roll in my life.  Some play a large roll in my life.  Some people may not even realize what kind of a roll they play in my life.  (Hmm... maybe I should fix that.)  I'm very thankful.  The Stake President, he's the man who's responsible for multiple congregations, took time out from his family's vacation last year to give our family comfort during a very difficult time.  He didn't hesitate.  He just came.  The Bishop, who leads voluntarily over the local congregation, has helped our family in so many ways!  His wife also.  She put one of our sons to work one day doing just the perfect job for him.

Family is a gift from God.  I am so blessed with a loving and supportive family.  My sweetheart works so hard and is so dedicated to his family.  My children are so kind and loving to Ryan.  My parents are my backbone.  My sister is such a strength and support, and a great example to me.  My nephews are my dear friends and some of my very favorite men in the world.  My in-laws are kind and loving to me.  And, the list goes on.  I have wonderful Aunts and Uncles, Great Aunts and Great Uncles, Cousins, 2nd Cousins.  I am just very blessed in the area of family.  That's the way it should be.  We all need strong families. 

Friends who lift and strengthen you are priceless.  I hope it is never taken lightly when I say how much I appreciate you, my friends.  I really do.  There is a hymn that says, "What greater gift dost thou bestow, What greater goodness can we know, Than Christlike friends, whose gentle ways strengthen our faith, enrich our days." 

When you feel like you can't stand anymore, kneel.  Prayer works. I think we all experience, or will experience times in our lives when we feel that no one will understand all that is in our hearts.  But HE will.  He will listen perfectly.  He already knows your heart.  He just wants you to come talk to Him.  Prayer is healing.  Check in at least daily with your Father in Heaven.  Then when you've developed that habit, start your morning with Him and return and report back to Him at night.  He'll be so glad to hear from you.  He loves you! 

With His help I can do ALL things.  Each of us will experience our own difficulties and trials.  In talking with friends, I have not met anyone who does not have something that is difficult for them.  Some try to compare mine to theirs and say, "Well, I shouldn't complain."  I don't think we can compare.  I sometimes hear some of your trials and think, "I don't think I could do that."  I think Heavenly Father prepares us for what we are given.  Sometimes it's hard to see how we've been prepared until after we've passed through the trials and are on the other side of it and can look back.  Although this past year has been very hard, I'm thankful for what I have learned.  My relationship with Savior has deepened.  I have learned to rely on Him.  I have learned that He truly is there for me in all things.  That when my legs feel to weak to stand any longer, He will hold me up.  I have learned that He will give me the words to say when I have no idea what I will say.  I have grown to love Him, even though I thought I already loved Him.

I know now more than I knew before that I love Him and He loves me.  Both my Savior and my Heavenly Father.

It has been a hard year.  But I am thankful that I know these things.

Called to Serve

Last May my nephew, Kevin gave me the most beautiful gift.  His friend, the talented artist, Julia Fish Thompson, created two beautiful calligraphy prints of the song, "Called to Serve."   He had one print done for me and one for me to give to a very special friend of mine who had shared a special story with me about this song. These were done to honor her beautiful daughter Emily and my son Ryan.

The words of this beautiful hymn are:
 
Called to serve Him, heav'n-ly King of glory,
Chosen e'er to witness for his name,
Far and wide we tell the Father's story,
Far and wide his love proclaim.

Called to know the richness of his blessing --
Sons and daughters, children of a King --
Glad of a heart, his holy name confessing,
Praises unto him we bring.

Onward, ever onward, as we glory in his name;
Onward, ever onward, as we glory in his name;
Forward, pressing forward, as a  triumph song we sing.
God our strength will be; press forward ever,

Called to serve our King.


I have been so anxious to share these beautiful prints with you, but due to some delays in the framing process, it's taken a while.   But, they are FINALLY ready for your viewing!

Thank you, Camille, for sharing so much with me.  I aspire to be an inspired Mother like you.  Thank you, Kevin, for your thoughtfulness!   You are an amazing man.  And, Julia, thank you SO much for sharing your talent, twice. 

Call Kevin

Last summer Deborah was going under water at the pool, but this summer she has regressed.  Do your children ever do that? So I decided to put Johnathon and Deborah in swimming lessons. They were both doing well ... until the swim instructor who decided to HOLD Deborah under water past the point of comfort.

I don't know what he thought he was doing. He was a new instructor. New to her and new to instructing.
 
Long story short.  Deborah is no longer willing to go under water at our pool.  But, she is willing to play in the water without her floaties.  Just enough to make me nervous. 

So, today we were just about to leave the pool and she was playing in a large blue ring when she slipped and I saw her go in under the water.  I was standing right on the edge of the pool.  My first instinct as a mother was of course to pool her out, but then I realized if I acted in panic, she'd be scared about going under.  She was only in water that's about 2 feet deep.  All she needed to do was stand up. 

And, she did.  She stood up with a look of shock on her face and I smiled at her and said, "Wow! You did such a good job!  I'm so proud of you!"  I could see the confusion on her face at first.  She was actually not intending to do that and she was really not happy about it.  She was really wanting to cry.  But, then there was a hesitation. 

I helped her get out of the water and said, "Hey, who do you want to call to them about that?  You did such a great job remember to blow your bubbles." 

Then she shocked me.  I was expecting Dad or Nana or Papa or Jessica or Aunt Joyce.

"Kevin."

I must have had a look of confusion or shock on my face.  She said, "What?  I haven't talked to him in a while."

So, we called her cousin Kevin.  Thank heavens Kevin is a great guy!  After a couple of rounds of phone tag, she was able to be congratulated by Kevin and her sense of accomplishment was complete.

Thanks, Kevin!  We love you!

Sizes of People

Small people talk about people.
Medium sized people talk about events.
Great people learn to talk about ideas.

~Susan Easton Black's Father

Celebrations with Deborah

Today has been a sweet day with Deborah.   She painted this beautiful rock. 

We have celebrated her successes today and it's just been a good day!

Manipulation and Therapy

On Tuesday I quietly entered the therapy room to take a few pictures of Ryan working with his Occupational Therapist, Manuel.   I didn't say a word, but just snapped a couple of pictures.

As you can see from the picture above and below, he was working so hard and sitting so well with just a little help.  Ryan looked so strong.  He even seemed to be enjoying himself.

Then, I said, "Hi, Ryan!"  And, the manipulation began ... notice the eye rub that says, "Oh, I'm so tired!"

We're all on to him about that.  So, I don't rescue him.  So, once he remembers that, then he kind of smiles and continues to work.  (Well, sometimes.)  But, he never fails to give it a try.  

It was fun to catch it on camera.  It really made me smile that in the first 3 clicks, I caught it on camera.

Below are a couple of other shots that I thought you might enjoy. 

A few interesting things you might notice in the pictures: 

The white the brace on Ryan's chest helps to stabilize his midsection so that he can work a little harder and a little longer.  We've really seen a lot of improvement since we started using it.  It's called a TLSO brace, which actually stands for Thoraco-Lumbo-Sacral Orthosis. It wraps around Ryan's body and then velcros closed in the back.  You may also notice that there's a little round cut out just off center by his belly button.  That is actually cut out so that his mic-KEY button doesn't get messed up by the brace.

The green disc that Manuel is holding in his right hand is what Ryan was sitting on.  (Manuel was removing it as I was taking this picture.)  I'm not sure if he was using it just to position Ryan or if he was using it get Ryan to balance himself more.  It can be used for both purposes.

One of the skills that we are working on with Ryan is reaching.  He has just recently started using his hands more.  He can now wave hello and goodbye.  He will occasionally even lift his arm a little when he waves.  So now we are trying to get him to extend his arms for things.  You can see in this next picture that Manuel has moved the toy away from him and is getting him to push the horn.

You might also notice that Ryan's face is pointing away from the toy, but if you look closely, you'll notice that his eyes are looking in the direction of the toy.  Ryan seems to do that a lot.  From what I have read, it is common with children with cortical vision impairment.

I hope you've enjoyed a quick peek into therapy with Ryan.  It was a good day!  I'm so thankful Ryan is getting stronger.  He sure has worked hard and he's come a long way in the past year!

Old

Sunday Deborah was fascinated by the "lines" on my forehead.  She wanted to know why I had lines and she didn't.  I explained to her that when she's a Mom she'll be lucky enough to get lines too.  She liked that idea.  {Oh, how I smiled inside!  Brilliantly marketed.  Who needs Botox?}  She then wanted to know why I had so many lines?  So I explained that I have a line for each child.  And, it's true.  I really do.  I have one line per child.  To this, my confident Deborah replied that the shortest line must be hers!

The conversation didn't bother me much.  I've accepted the "lines" on my forehead as the inevitable result of raising my eyebrows in warning to my children too often.  My Aunt Elsie warned me it would happen, but it was better than yelling at them.  And, besides, it hasn't really hit me that it's a warning that old age is approaching.

But, yesterday I went to visit the Rheumatologist.  I can never decide whether those visits make me feel super young, since I'm typically one of the younger looking in the waiting room, or super old since I'm in the waiting room.  Then I was diagnosed with Bursitis.  Bursitis.  It just sounds like something caused by old age, doesn't it?

But nothing tops tonight's dinner conversation.  I was sharing with the kids a little story from the book I'm currently reading.  In order to set the scene, I was explaining a little about the traditions of 1840's.  Johnathon looked at me and said, "Mom, were you alive then?" Oh, yes, he was sincere. No joking. No kidding.

Now, I feel old.  :)

Great Books

My children love to read, and before they can read they love to have me read books to them.  Often they want the same book read over and over to them.  I love to read to them.  Over the years, we have read some great books together:  The Chronicles of Narnia, The Tale of Despereaux, James and the Giant Peach, Harold and the Purple Crayon, The Invention of Hugo Cabret, ... and the list goes on.

I don't remember always loving to read.  I know I read books, but somehow as I got older I thought became too busy to immerse myself in anything other than scriptures or an occasional self-help book.  Then I rediscovered the love of reading.

This morning I finished a book by a lady that I love to read her words, Mary Ellen Edmunds.  She seems to be the kind of lady that it'd be fun to spend the day with her.  I think we would laugh a lot and I think I'd feel uplifted.  Do you have a friend like that?  One that even though you laugh and play all day, you still feel uplifted and like you're a better person for having spent the day with that friend?

I've read a few of her books.  This one is "Love is a Verb."  There is so many great little tidbits in this book.  I just want to share with you a few of my favorite things.

A great quote from President Ezra Taft Benson:  "Men and women who turn their lives over to God will find out that he can make a lot more out of their lives than they can.  He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, raise up friends and pour out peace.  Whoever will lose his life to God will find he has eternal life." 

"Prayer is the preparation for miracles."

~Elder H. Burke Peterson

There is a list of suggestions of big and little things that we can do that might be helpful in increasing our love, compassion and responsiveness to the Spirit.  Some of the suggestions are:

• Visit someone who can't come to see you.
• Once a week, speak to someone whom you don't know (yet).
• Work to develop a countenance of love; strive to look at others in such a way that they know they are loved even if they have no idea who you are.

The list goes on, but it made me think -- Wouldn't it be fun to make a Bucket List of these types of things?  

 And, while I could go on and on, about my favorite things about this book, I'd just recommend that you read the book.   I think you will be captivated by the way this author so joyfully invites the reader to make love a verb.

Last Day of School

Today was Ryan's last day of school for this year.  I took him and Nelda to school since he went early for their water games.  The kids were each asked to bring their favorite water toy to play with outside.  Everyone was prepared to get wet.  They were all covered in sunscreen and dressed in their swimsuits, Ryan included.  His kind, thoughtful teachers had prepared a "hot tub" for Ryan.  Several of his friends spent a lot of their time circled about Ryan making sure that he stayed wet, carefully pouring the "hot" water over Ryan's legs and arms in his "hot tub."

After they finished playing in the water, they had Popsicles. You know the kind that come in the bag?  Ryan's was a strawberry-kiwi, and he LOVED it!  So, as it melted, Nelda just pulled a little into a syringe at a time and gave him some.  You probably remember that we don't feed him by mouth due to the risk of aspiration (choking), but we do let him taste foods.  Well, he was doing so well with it, that we chose to let him do the whole Popsicle this way.   He really enjoyed it and he did a great job with it!

I wasn't actually planning to stay, but it was so fun to watch them all interact that the time passed quickly.  Before I knew it, there was only 15 more minutes before it was time to pick him up.  So, I stayed.

When Ryan was saying good bye to his friends, one of my favorite little boys in the class, Sutton said, "Ryan doesn't want to leave yet."

I think he might have been right.  I know Ryan will miss his friends and his teachers.  It has been such a good experience this year.

Ryan enjoyed the Bouncy House during Field Day at school on 5.18.2012.

Sarah

(The view from my bedroom at the hotel.)

I’m currently sitting in a hotel room in Provo, Utah typing this.

Typically when flying on an airplane, my routine is to board as late as possible, shuffle to my assigned seat, stuff everything under the seats,  (I can’t reach anything in the overhead bins) and then read a book or magazine.  Once we’re up in the air, I will often pull out noise cancelling head phones and watch a movie.   

Often this ritual takes place without much more than a cursory greeting, or just the polite words necessary to find our assigned places.  It’s not that I mind talking to people.  It just seems that in our society most people today would prefer to keep to themselves and so I have learned to be prepared.

Thursday’s plane ride was different.

I boarded the plane just as normal waiting to the final boarding call, 2^nd to last to board.  I approached my seat, and the lady next to my assigned window seat stepped out of her seat to allow me into mine.  But somewhere between the requisite polite talk and me stuffing my overfilled backpack under the seat in front of mine, I was captivated by a woman who loved her children, was anxious to see her father and sisters, had a loving, incredibly supportive husband, and was extremely nervous about the flight.

Although I had my own anxieties about my trip, they were swept away by the joy she brought to the flight.  Within the 2 hours and 55 minutes we were on the flight, we talked and laughed together like we had been friends for the eternities. 

I watched her from a distance at the airport as she had the long-awaited reunion with her family, and the next day I found myself thinking about her.  And, the next day, when I knew that she’d be facing some challenges, I could not stop thinking about her.  I prayed for her non-stop in my heart.   

I tell you that not because I am a hero for praying for her, but because she was an angel to me.  It kept my mind from focusing on things that were hard for me, and that were creating anxieties for me. 

As I listened to Sarah talk on the plane, she spoke of choices she had made over the years, things she does with her family, things she does for her husband, what she does at work, and in life.  And, in those messages, I heard a woman of great strength and character, a woman who has great courage and is valiant.  I hope Sarah knows who she is ... who she really is.  I hope she knows how great she really is!

I remember when...

I remember when I was the nerd who had a computer sitting on my table and every body looked at me strange.  I was the only person in a restaurant, or the only person in an entire college classroom with a laptop.  Now, I'm sitting at a restaurant at the airport as I type this and almost every 2nd table has someone at the table with a laptop.  It's even more amazing to thing we're all connected.  Back then, it was just an expensive word processor.

I also remember when I was the only nerd who carried a mobile phone, and it was almost as big as the back pack I'm carrying today.  It wasn't really that big, but it was a big brick, bigger than the bricks you build a house with.  The battery pack, however, was a heavy bulky thing that required a bag and weighed probably 5 pounds. 

I was single then and I worked on a team where we took turns being on call for 24 hours.  I wasn't real fond of that phone.  However, it did come in handy one evening when a call saved me from a very boring date.  It was the one time I was thankful to be stuck handling a technical call outside of normal business hours.  Poor guy showed up for a date with me with a great big cowboy hat on and a big old buckle.  Remember I'm not from Texas, and didn't appreciate the Texas style back then.  And, to top it off, he was rather quiet.  Imagine me with someone quiet ... Can you imagine it?? 

See, the call was a good thing.

Mother's Day Flowers

In addition to the homemade soap he gave me, 

Jacob had flowers delivered to me for Mother's Day with a sweet note.  

Very thoughtful!  Very appreciated!

Happy Mother's Day!

I am one amazingly lucky lady! I have children who spoil me ... Thank you, all! And, a sweetheart who sets a good example for them.  I have a Mother who worked hard to be a good Mom. She sacrificed much for my comforts and to spoil me, even before I was ready to appreciate her sacrifices. I learned to serve others and to work hard because of her example. I have a sister who is strong and awesome. She has been my personal cheerleader throughout my entire life, believing in me when I didn't believe in me. I'm also blessed to have SOOO many aunts and cousins who were and are examples in life. I have always felt loved because of them. And, of course, I have more women in my life than I can count that are amazing examples of strength and courage. I am thankful to each of them for their friendships and the examples they are to me! Happy Mother's Day to each and every woman!

Happy Birthday Jacob

Fifteen years ago yesterday, I woke up early in the morning to a pop sensation and what I now know was my water breaking.  I also now know that I started having back labor, but I have a high pain threshold and since there wasn't a definite start or end to the contractions, I didn't know they were contractions.  It just hurt. 

So, I got up and took a shower and sat at the computer for a while.  I tried to "time the contractions", but again, there was no start or end, just non-stop hardening of the tummy and serious back pain.  So, I never mentioned any of it to Dwight and we went to the office for the day.  Around noon, I realized I should probably at least have the doctor check things out.  So I told Dwight we just needed to stop by the doctor's office.  He had no idea of what he was in for.

When I was on the exam table, the nurse said, "So when did your water break?"  I replied, "Probably about 4 am."  Dwight was not happy that I hadn't even mentioned it.  But, I had heard stories of women not being able to hold their urine and I just knew that it might be me, since after all, I was HUGE with Jacob.  And, since I didn't seem to have any other for sure signs of labor, I didn't think it was my water.  Well, I was wrong.

Unfortunately, by then it had already been more than 8 hours since my water broke and doctors apparently think you should be at the hospital by then.  So, they wouldn't let me go eat lunch or anything.  They had us go directly to the hospital.   At 1 am, on May 13th, 1997, Jacob was born in American Fork, Utah.  

Today he turns 15 years old.  I look forward to seeing Jacob's successes in the future!  I hope that this will be his best year ever!  Happy Birthday, Jacob!!

Mother's Day Gift from Ryan

 

Ryan made these gifts for me at school.  Aren't his hand prints adorable!  

He loves to finger paint and his favorite color is green, 

but someone went to a lot of work to get prints of his open hand!  

I'm so thankful for these!  What a neat treasure!!

Spoiled for Mother's Day

I was very spoiled this year for Mother's Day.  Not that it's a new thing.  I'm always quite spoiled by my family.  Or perhaps we should call it well loved.  Sounds better, doesn't it?  This year there were two really nice gifts that I received the family.  But, it's more than just gifts for me.  It's the consideration that is always shown.

My children gave me a new GPS.  When I first received my GPS, I thought it was an unnecessary thing to have, but I have now started to rely on it.  I love having it when I travel to new cities, or when we go to Doctors, etc.

Dwight gave me a new camera. YEAH!!!  My blog will once again be complete with pictures!  I won't have to wait for someone to let me use their camera nor will I have to wait to get the pictures off their camera.  YEAH!!

So ... the first picture from my new camera...

As I took out my camera and focused on Ryan, he covered his face with hands.  I said to him, "Ryan are you hiding?"  He then uncovered his face and gave me a big smile.  It was adorable!

Sweet Prayer

In Deborah's night prayer tonight, she prayed that Ryan would never get sick again ... "even right before he goes to Heaven."  Isn't that sweet?

The Atonement

I think anyone who knows me, knows that I am a Mormon, right?  I hope that doesn't surprise anyone.

For those of you who may not be familiar with the lingo of our Church, each congregation is called a ward and there are several wards within a Stake.  The wards are divided geographically as are the Stakes.  Every 6 months, each Stake has a Stake Conference where they meet all together.  There's an Adult session on Saturday night and then a session for everyone on Sunday. (If you'd like to learn more about our beliefs in general, you can click here.)

Anyway ... about two weeks ago, our Stake President called and asked if I would be willing to give a talk.  (In case you don't know, we also don't have a paid ministry.)  I was thankful for the opportunity, not become I couldn't wait to speak in front of a room full of people, but because I knew that the study time and the preparation would be a blessing to me.

So, I thought my Dad, and maybe some of you too might enjoy reading the talk.  This is the full version of what I prepared.  Because I was asked to keep the talk to 10 minutes not everything here was actually said on Saturday, but I'm including it anyway.

A couple of things you should know before you read the talk... 6 months ago, we were challenged to completely read the Book of Mormon before this Stake Conference.   So, this talk assumes that most of the audience has just completed that challenge.

Now, I recognize and appreciate that some of my dearest friends have different beliefs that I do.  I know that not all of you will be familiar with the Book of Mormon.  Some of you may have never read any of the Book of Mormon, or perhaps it's been a long time. I have included links for you, if you'd like to read the rest of the stories.  There are some amazing stories.

As I mentioned in my talk, I recognize that the Book of Mormon is not the only place where we find examples of the enabling power of the Atonement.   I too believe in the Holy Bible and especially love the writings of Paul on the subject of Grace. 

If you're not familiar with the stories, I invite you to read the talk and with an open heart to read the links.  I love the stories of the Book of Mormon.  I know that in my life it has helped me to draw closer to my Savior and I'd invite you to experience it in your life as well.

Now for my talk ...

When I was in my late 20’s, I attended a Relief Society with the sister of an Apostle.  One Sunday we were having a lesson on the Atonement.  This sweet sister was in her early 90’s.  I don’t remember much about the lesson that day, but I have never forgotten her comment.  She said, “I have recently learned that the Atonement isn’t something that applies at the end of my life, but it’s something that applies on a moment by moment basis.” 

I don’t know if it was because she was almost 70 years my senior, or if it was because she was the sister of an Apostle that I spent a lot of time contemplating her statement, but for more than two decades I have pondered the significance of applying the Atonement on a daily basis.

Many of you were here when Elder Bednar spoke at a recent Stake Conference.  You will remember that he spoke on the Enabling Power of the Atonement.   This has been a theme of his ministry.  It is obvious from reading many of his talks that he has a great testimony of the Atonement, and a sense of urgency at sharing His witness that through the Atonement of Christ we can indeed become Saints. 

I’ve been asked to use an address he gave at BYU in October of 2001 as the basis for my talk today.  At that time, he was the President of what is now BYU-Idaho and you will recall that our nation had recently been deeply wounded and many in the country were hurting. 

Elder Bednar shared this quote from President David O McKay as the framework for his talk.  He said, “The purpose of the gospel is to make bad men good and good men better, and to change human nature.”   

Let me repeat that “The purpose of the gospel is to make bad men good and good men better, and to change human nature.”

He then suggested that the Book of Mormon is our handbook of instructions as we travel the pathway from bad to good to better and to have our hearts changed. 

In Mosiah 3:19 it says: “For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be forever and ever, UNLESS he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a Saint through the Atonement of Christ the Lord.”

Through the redeeming powers of the Atonement, bad men become good.  I do not mean bad as in horrible, wicked, or evil.  I mean bad as in:   we do bad things; the tendency to be a natural man.   Through the redeeming powers of the Atonement, we are able to be cleansed and to be good.   

It is also through the Atonement of Christ, that we are able to increase our capacity to put off the natural man and to overcome the desires of the flesh and temptations.

When I was young, I struggled for years with an eating disorder.  As part of the eating disorder, I not only severely restricted my calories, often going for long periods with nothing more than just a wedge of lettuce but I also became addicted to daily dosages of large quantities of diuretics and laxatives.  After some time I eventually realized that it was ruining my life and even observed that it was affecting my spirituality and my ability to serve my Heavenly Father.  I first tried to quit on my own, but could not.  I eventually went through years of counseling, and even hospitalizations.  And, although they helped, I was still struggling to give up my self destructive behaviors.  Eventually, I pleaded with the Lord to help me.  This was the turning point.  It was not easy to overcome, but I felt the strengthening powers of the Lord and was healed completely from the eating disorder and all of its control.

Through the Atonement of Christ He can increase our capacity to overcome the desires of the flesh and temptations.  We can put off the natural man.

If we go back to Mosiah 3:19, you will remember it says: “…and putteth off the natural man and becometh a Saint through the Atonement of Christ the Lord.”

The purpose of the gospel is to make bad men good and good men better, and to change human nature.

Elder Bednar said, “I believe this 2^nd part of the journey – this process of going from good to better – is a topic about which we do not study or teach frequently enough nor understand adequately.”

He then said:

“Most of us clearly understand that the Atonement is for sinners. I am not so sure, however, that we know and understand that the Atonement is also for saints--for good men and women who are obedient and worthy and conscientious and who are striving to become better and serve more faithfully. “

The Atonement provides help for us to overcome and avoid bad  AND to do and become good.    The Savior can help us through the entire journey of life AND wants to help us through the entire journey – from bad to good to better and to change our very nature.

We learn in the Bible Dictionary that the word Grace is frequently used to connote enabling power.  In fact, it is used over 200 times in the scriptures.  It frequently occurs in the New Testament, especially in the writings of Paul, and the main idea of the word is divine means of help or strength given through the bounteous mercy and love of Jesus Christ. 

There are many examples both in the scriptures and throughout history of men and women who have understood the enabling power of the Atonement.  Elder Bednar shared the example of Daniel W. Jones who was born in 1830 in Missouri and joined the Church in California in 1851.  Five years later, in 1856 he participated in the rescue of handcart companies that were stranded in Wyoming by severe storms.

After the rescue party found the suffering Saints, provided what immediate comfort they could, and made arrangements for the sick and the feeble to be transported to Salt Lake City, Daniel and several other young men volunteered to remain with and safeguard the company's possessions. The food and supplies left with Daniel and his colleagues were, to say the least, meager and were rapidly expended. I will now quote from Daniel Jones' personal journal and his description of the events that followed:

"Game soon became so scarce that we could kill nothing. We ate all the poor meat; one would get hungry eating it. Finally that was all gone, nothing now but hides were left. We made a trial of them. A lot was cooked and eaten without any seasoning and it made the whole company sick. Many were so turned against the stuff that it made them sick to think of it. . . .

"Things looked dark, for nothing remained but the poor raw hides taken from starved cattle. We asked the Lord to direct us what to do. The brethren did not murmur, but felt to trust in God. We had cooked the hide, after soaking and scraping the hair off until it was soft and then ate it, glue and all. This made it rather inclined to stay with us longer than we desired.

"Finally I was impressed how to fix the stuff and gave the company advice, telling them how to cook it; for them to scorch and scrape the hair off; this had a tendency to kill and purify the bad taste that scalding gave it. After scraping, boil one hour in plenty of water, throwing the water away which had extracted all the glue, then wash and scrape the hide thoroughly, washing in cold water, then boil to a jelly and let it get cold, and then eat with a little sugar sprinkled on it. This was considerable trouble, but we had little else to do and it was better than starving.

"We asked the Lord to bless our stomachs and adapt them to this food.

"We hadn't the faith to ask him to bless the raw-hide, for it was 'hard stock.' On eating now all seemed to relish the feast. We were three days without eating before this second attempt was made. We enjoyed this sumptuous fare for about six weeks".

I wonder if I had been Bro Jones if I might have asked not even just for some good food, but for a quick and easy shuttle back home.  However, Bro Jones and the other young men knew something of the strengthening power of the Atonement, and instead asked the Lord to bless their stomachs and adapt them to the food that they had available.

You will recall many examples from The Book of Mormon of disciples and prophets who knew and were transformed by the enabling power of the Atonement.   Hopefully, as we liken the scriptures unto us, we too can see the enabling power in our lives and in the lives of those around us.

Nephi when his brothers bound him, pleaded with the Lord to give him strength to burst the bands.  In the strength of the Lord, which is the enabling power of the Atonement, Nephi was enabled to break the bands. In what ways, have you pleaded with the Lord and with the strength of the Lord, what bands have you been able to break?

You remember the Lord’s promise to Alma in Mosiah 24 that He would ease the burdens which were being put upon the shoulders of Alma and his people, that even they would not feel them upon their backs. And of course, if you remember that story, then you’ll remember, the best part:  You’ll remember how the Lord did  strengthen them “that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.”   That last part is the evidence of the Atonement in their lives. 

We learn in Mosiah 3:19 that as we go through this mortal journey, yielding to the enticings of the Holy Spirit and putteth off the natural man, and becometh as a Saint, through the Atonement, our human nature is changed.  We become as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father. 

I have a testimony of the Lord’s willingness to do this for us.  I know that the through the Atonement He will strengthen us so that we can bear the burdens that He gives us so that they are truly made light.

A few years ago we were blessed with a child who has multiple disabilities.  For the first two years of his life, I could count on one hand the number of nights when I had more than 2 or 3  hours of consecutive sleep at any time.  Shortly after he turned 1, I was diagnosed with Cancer. 

I remember at one point lying on a table when the cancer had started to grow back having yet another biopsy taken and thinking this should probably feel more overwhelming than it does.  I knew that it was the Lord who was making the burdens seem so light.  After 2 years of not sleeping through the night and months of weekly treatments, I testify to you that the Lord through the Atonement, and with many angels both seen and unseen,  my burdens and my family’s burdens were truly made light such that I was able to easily and cheerfully carry them.  I would not have been able to do so without His strengthening power.

One of my favorite scripture stories is in the book of Ether … the happy part … not really the ending.   I believe there are multiple examples of the enabling power of the Atonement in this book.  How do we liken these scriptures to ourselves?

At the tower of Babel, the brother of Jared prayed and the language was not confounded.  Jared asked his brother to inquire of the Lord where they should go.  The Lord leads them into the valley and to the seashore.

After the brother of Jared talks with the Lord, they build barges that were tight like unto a dish, small and light upon the water with the ends peaked, and the length of a tree. 

Do you think he knew then that it would mean spending 344 days in boats built tight like unto a dish?

Early in our marriage Dwight and I with our then only child Jessica moved to Honolulu Hawaii.  Dwight wanted to learn to surf and I was the supportive wife who figured I’d get a good tan.  Shortly after arriving I was called to teach Gospel Doctrine. As I stood before a room full of Polynesians, within walking distance from the Pacific ocean, this story took on all new meaning to me than it had ever had in land-locked Indiana where I grew up.  A 60-year old Polynesian explained to me how the ocean’s mountainous waves would hold a boat like that down under water. 

Brothers and sisters, I’m not sure I would want to step on to a boat with all the modern luxuries for 344 days and I’m confident that it would take the enabling power of the Atonement to give me the strength to step on to one of these barges.

After they were built, the Brother of Jared went to the Lord and said, I’ve done what you’ve asked, but “O Lord, wilt thou suffer that we shall cross this great water in darkness?”

Do you ever feel like that?  Do you ever wonder if the Lord will suffer you to be left in the darkness?

When the brother of Jared had asked how they would breathe, the Lord had given him directions and told him how to get air, but this time, the Lord said, “What will ye that I should do that ye may have light in your vessels?”  

Of course, you know the rest of the story, the brother of Jared prepared stones and they had light.

I believe the next verse is especially significant to each of us as we face our own opportunities to seek the Lord’s enabling powers:  We could just write our names in front of it …

“… for the mountain waves shall dash upon you.”  {{ And, here’s the promise … }} “Nevertheless, I will bring you up again out of the depths of the sea; for the winds have gone forth out of my mouth, and also the rains and the floods have I sent forth.”

If we then skip over to Ether 6:4, they have made their preparations and they set forth into the sea, {{and I love this next line … }} “COMMENDING THEMSELVES UNTO THE LORD THEIR GOD.”

“And, the Lord God caused that there should be a furious wind blow upon the face of the waters towards the promised land and thus they were tossed upon the waves of the sea before the wind and many times they were buried in the depths of the sea, because of the mountain waves which broke upon them, and also the great and terrible tempests which were caused by the fierceness of the wind.”

How did they survive?  How did they access the enabling powers of the Atonement?

When they were encompassed about by many waters they did cry unto the Lord, and he did bring them forth again upon the top of the waters.

In Ether 6:8 it says, “And it came to pass that the wind did never cease to blow towards the promised land while they were upon the waters; and thus they were driven forth before the wind.”

Brothers and sisters, they did make it to the promised land. 

I have a testimony that there is nothing in any life that is too big for the Atonement.  I know that while the winds may seem fierce and the mountain waves may bury us in the depths of the sea, we are not alone.  We need not travel in darkness.  If we will be faithful and cry out to Him, his winds will continually blow us towards the promised land. 

I know that through the Atonement bad men are made good and good men are made better and our natures are changed. 

My Current Excuse for Being Late

The other morning I went to run what should have been three very quick errands.  "Should have been."  It took an hour longer than I anticipated.  This seems to be a common pattern lately.  So, I thought I'd go public with the issue.

If I'm late, there's a good chance that you can blame this:

Yes, the roly poly bug, or as I would like to call them ... a PILL bug.  Why is this harmless little bug causing me to be late?  Because apparently they need to be rescued. 

Every where we go, Deborah has to stop to rescue each and every PILL bug from any potential dangers.  She's even developed her own little technique.  She first scares them so that they will roll up into a ball so that when she gently tosses them out of danger they won't get hurt.  Then the toss.  It's always a gentle toss. It can't be too hard and she always ensures that they will land back on the dirt and grass where she is confident they really wanted to be.

It's kind of sweet, but it's making me a little crazy.  I hope this phase ends soon.

PS  Do you think this is a result of me telling her that I'm really not going to have the other 8 children she wants me to have?