I have been trying to get caught back up on things that have been piling up: school stuff, paper work, scouting stuff, etc. I was able to get through most of the paperwork yesterday.

Today while David and I were writing out his goals for his Faith in God award and Boy Scouts, we heard Deborah talking just outside my bedroom door about "fixing her birthday cake." After about an hour, she came bounding through the bedroom door excited to show us her "birthday cake."

Isn't it beautiful?

WEIRD!

Okay last night ... that was a really weird sensation! When I first laid my bald head down on the pillow it just felt wrong. It's just the strangest sensation. And, it's cold too! I tried putting on one of Dwight's sweatshirts with a hood, but that felt odd too. I think I'll go buy myself a soft sleep cap today.

What I know...

Tonight I taught interviewing skills at our weekly employment workshop. I love the workshops. I love the candidates and the other specialists! It really is a treat to be there each Thursday evening.

As I drove home tonight I was thinking of some of the concepts that we discussed. The 2 that really stuck out in my mind are:
1) It's all attitude.
2) Let your light shine.

Let's talk about attitude. In an interview, an arrogant attitude will land you no offer and a shy, bashful attitude will not help you either. However, a confident attitude goes a long way in making a good impression.

It's also true about life. I bet you've noticed that, too. What I can testify of today, that I might not have been able to do before, is that attitude also helps you in adversity. What I know, without any doubt at all, is that God will work every trial, every irritation, every adversity, every weakness to your good ... IF you will allow Him. AND ... IF you will, you will see his tender mercies all around you. I know without a doubt that you will. It's all about the attitude.

(Please know that I am not saying that the road will not be hard or long. I just KNOW that He will not leave you comfortless. I know it.)

And, #2 ... Let your light shine!!!

I frequently see candidates who really don't know how to speak of their talents and/or accomplishments. Often they want to tell the mock interviewer all the reasons they aren't the perfect candidate for the job. This always brings to mind the following scripture:

"Therefore, let your light so shine before men
that they may see your good works
and
glorify your Father which is in Heaven."
~Matthew 5:16

You probably remember this chapter. The Savior is speaking to his Disciples. He preaches what is usually referred to now as the "Sermon on the Mount." Remember, "Blessed are the ___; for they shall ____." It's a great chapter. I love the part about the salt. In our day it seems a little odd to say, "Ye are the salt of the earth." But, when you think about salt and it's significance, it really brings a whole new meaning to this chapter. (I'm off on a tangent. I will bring it back, I promise. But, you should check out this article on the significance of that statement. What is salt really? Great article.)

Anyway... back to Let your light shine!

Can you bring people to Christ if you won't communicate with them? No. Can you bring people to Christ if you have no confidence? No. Where did your talents come from? (And, yes, YOU DO have them!) from HIM! Let your light shine! The interview is the place to communicate your strengths. You don't need to be boastful or prideful. Just share them.

Come to think of it... an interview isn't the only place to do it. Sometimes I'm amazed at the talents my friends have. Friends that I've known for years. Why haven't you shared your talent before? Do not hide that which God so lovingly gave you.

That's what I know.

PS... I haven't met anyone yet who doesn't have talents. And, yes, I meant to say talentS.

And, it's GONE...

Monday night you probably remember that we did a "Going, Going, and (almost) Gone" edition of Family Home Evening. Well, today my dear friend, Michelle, came up to remove the (almost).

Monday night as Jessica was cutting my hair, Deborah looked up at me and said, "Don't you want your hair, Momma?" Oh, so sweet. The little lady just melts my heart.
I wasn't sure what she'd think about today's session, but she came in the room while Michelle was shaving my head. So I asked her what she thought about it. She looked at my hair for a minute and then happily responded, "Awesome!"
I wasn't sure what I'd think about it. I thought I'd be fine with it, but the other night was a little shocking. It wasn't my hair that I was feeling anything about it, but I obviously felt something. While I was talking with Jessica later that evening, we both agreed that it was more the reality of cancer that we both felt a little sad about that evening. The hair will grow back. (And, yes, my dear Johnathon, my friends will still love me without my hair.) But, the reality is I really do have cancer and it really does stink having cancer.

So, how do I feel today? I feel relieved.


I'm so thankful to have such a huge support system! I can't imagine doing this without you all. Thank you for sharing in my journey!

And, Michelle, thank you again for being willing to do this sweet act of service for me!

I know you're anxious to see pics of the big hair cutting session. Unfortunately though I've had a weird response to this week's chemo. I'm bright red, running high fevers, and feel quite miserable. Thankfully, this will pass, right?

I promise to get the pictures blogged soon. Thank you all for your prayers and support!

Papa and Ryan

Papa (my Dad) has been visiting since Tuesday and will be here till Friday. It has been so nice to have him here and he has been so helpful! We sure love and appreciate him!

New Pics of the Medi-Port

The bandages were causing my skin to get really itchy, red, and even raw. So, tonight I took everything but the steri-strips off. Here's what it looks like... (please excuse the neck wrinkles) ... I couldn't decide which was the best picture so you get to see them all ... except for the one that made me look like I had a LOT of neck wrinkles ... I deleted it.

Hair

This morning as I brushed my hair it just kept falling out ... more and more ... and more. The picture doesn't even do justice for just how much came out. This is just the stuff that I put in the sink. There's still a bunch on the floor too. Then I got in Dwight's truck and more fell out. (I tried to gather all the hairs out of your truck. Sorry, sweetheart, if I left some behind. I suspect we may find them every where for a while.)

It is continuing to fall out today. I still have a lot of hair, but it is obviously thinner today than it was last week. Good thing it's just hair. Can you imagine if they were fingers or toes or arms? Oh, my!

Medi-Port is in place ... whew!

I went to the hospital this morning and after 2 sticks and a blown vein they were able to at least get blood to send to the lab. The wait to get the results seemed to take an eternity. Eventually, the numbers came back and they were good! (Actually, my white blood cell count skyrocketed above where it needed to be.)

So, Richard the nurse came over to do get my IV in place. I have to admit I was dreading being stuck more. So, when he started I said a prayer for him. Then I felt the stick of the needle, and then it felt like he took the needle out. I looked down fully anticipating seeing him holding gauze over my hand and looking for another vein. Instead he had the IV already in place, threaded and everything! I was so thankful! It was the least painful IV I have ever had!
Once they got the IV in place, it was about another 30-45 minutes before they took me back to the procedure room. They gave me "conscience sedation" or "moderate sedation." I remember talking to them for a while after they gave me the first dose, and then they gave me a second dose. I then remember asking him if he just cut my skin, he said yes and then asked them to give me a 3rd dose. Needless-to-say, I don't remember anything until a couple of hours later.

The port is in place. I had been told that the scar would be low enough on my chest that no one would be able to see it. What do you think?
I suspect, everyone is going to be able to see it ... unless I wear a turtleneck all the time.

PS I can't take the bandages off till Monday.

Neupogen is not my friend!

The shots they have given me over the last 2 days to rebuild my blood are a drug called Neupogen. I'm hopeful they did their job and my blood count will be back to (or at least close to) normal so that they can do the Medi-Port. When I asked what side effects they had, the reply was flu-like symptoms, but not everyone gets them. They failed to mention that one of their major side effects that people sometimes get is severe bone pain. Oh, my goodness! The only other time I've ever experienced such pain was when I had back labor with Jacob's delivery. It was excruciating! I felt like such a whimp! So, I'm off to the hospital soon and very, very hopeful that we'll get this port placed today.

Oh, and I had another large handful of hair on my pillow today. It's a good thing I have so much!

I'll keep you posted.

Today's Medi-Port Procedure Delayed

I went to the hospital this morning at 7 to get the medi-port placed. Nurse Amy was able to get the IV placed after only 1 failed attempt ... so 2 pokes. They took some blood and while we waited to hear back from the lab, the nice nurse, Stephanie, showed me a medi-port and explained the procedure.

I heard some hushed tones at the nurses desks and phone calls being made. I thought I heard my name and my oncologist's name. So I waited anxiously. Sure enough a few minutes later the nurse came over to explain that my white blood cells have taken a nose dive. Apparently, I have "neutropena" which is not uncommon with the type of chemotherapy drugs I am taking. The dr came in to talk with me and explained the change in plans.

So, I went back to the dr's office to get a shot. Matt gave it to me in my stomach, and it really didn't hurt. It can cause flu like symptoms, but not everyone gets them. Hopefully, I'll be one of the lucky ones. Matt will repeat the shot again tomorrow as it should help my bone marrow to build some extra white blood cells.

Then on Friday I'll go back to the hospital. They will retake blood and look at my count. If it's all good, then we'll do the medi-port that day. If not, then I'll have 3 more consecutive days of shots and then we'll do the port on Monday followed by chemo on Tuesday.

So, pray that my bone marrow cooperates and starts creating sufficient white blood cells. I'd like to have at least a few days to heal before they start pumping drugs into the port.

Oh, and one more thing ... I woke up to a bunch of hair on my pillow ... hair that was no longer attached to my head. (Did I tell you that I lost 2 large handfuls on Saturday night.)
Anyway ... it's a good thick I have a lot of hair. I noticed that I'm a little thinner in front and on my left side, but I don't think anyone else would even notice it. I think it's odd that I lost hair last night cause my head had finally stopped hurting. So, who knows. Maybe the next time you see me I'll be sporting the newest fashion ... bald. hahaha.

A Great Quote

One of my friends from my childhood, Sara, shared this quote with me. Read it a couple of times. It's really great!

And in the sweetness of friendship
let there be laughter,
and sharing of pleasure,
For in the dew of little things
the heart finds it's morning
and is refreshed.
~Kahlil Gibran

How Firm a Foundation

Last night, Jessica and I attended the General Young Women's Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. It was a very nice evening. The President and her 2 Counselors spoke to the Young Women of values that will help them to successfully navigate their youth, and their future. Additionally, the 1st Counselor in the Church's General Presidency who is also an Apostle, Elder Dieter Uchtdorf, also spoke to the Young Women about the way to a "Happily Ever After."

The last song that the choir and congregation sang was "How Firm a Foundation." If your not familiar with this beautiful hymn, you can click on the link above and hear the Mormon Tabernacle, an amazing choir, sing it.

This is one of my favorite hymns. I find the words to be very inspiring and often feel as if the Savior is talking to me directly during the last verse. I also feel like this should be the hymn for every brave man and woman who fight to defend freedom. I always think of this hymn when I see pictures from the war fronts.

In case, you don't know the words, I wanted to share them with you.

How firm a foundation, ye Saints of the Lord,
is laid for your faith in his excellent word!
What more can he say than to you he hath said,
Who unto the Savior for refuge have fled?

In ev-'ry condition in sickness, in health,
In poverty's vale or abounding in wealth,
At home or abroad, on the land or the sea
As thy days may demand so thy succor shall be.

Fear not, I am with thee; oh, be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid.
I'll strngthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.

When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of sorrow shall not thee o'erflow,
For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,
And sanctify thee thy deepest distress.

When through fiery trials thy pathways shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply.
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.

The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose
I will not, I cannot, desert to his foes;
That soul, through all hell should endeavor to shake,
I'll never, no never, no never forsake!

Beautiful, right?

These words were, of course, inspired by scriptures.

The Lord's words to Isaiah, which apply to each of us:

"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. " ~Isaiah 41:10

"When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.
"For I am the Lord thy God, the Holy One of Israel, thy Saviour: I gave Egypt for thy ransom, Ethiopia and Seba for thee.
"Since thou wast precious in my sight, thou hast been honourable, and I have loved thee: therefore will I give men for thee, and people for thy life.
"Fear not: for I am with thee...." ~Isaiah 43:2-5

Queen of the Vine Coronation Dinner

Tonight Dwight and I attended the Queen of the Vine Coronation Dinner by the Brighton Center. It was held at a beautiful private club and the food was wonderful!

You might remember that I had been nominated for the Queen of the Vine and agreed to raise money for Brighton as part of the running for the Queen of the Vine. All proceeds for the Queen of the Vine benefit the children of Brighton Center, which serves children (including Ryan) with disabilities or delays and their families through an array of services. You all know how much we love Ryan's therapist and all the support people at Brighton.

So, it was an honor to be nominated; however, when I was diagnosed with cancer and started to realize what that would mean to our lives, I had to make the difficult decision to drop out. I've tried to help in some small ways since then, but could not do the larger projects that would have been fun and meaningful. I look forward to helping more in the future.
Last night the Brighton Center crowned the 2010 Queen of the Vine, Jenine Beckel who had raised an amazing $80,000! Yay, Jenine! Very impressive. They also honored the other candidate, Julie Martinez, who held more fund-raising events during her campaign than any previous candidate. They also honored last year's 2009 Queen of the Vine, Cynthia Lee, would do an amazing job!

They also honored me and gave me some beautiful flowers. I was not expecting that and was very glad that I had dressed for the occasion. :) Whew... They said the nice things about me. I look forward to doing more for Brighton Center.

Speaking of doing ... if you live here in San Antonio, I'd love for you to come help me stuff bags for A Taste of the North Side. Have you heard of Taste of the North Side? It's another benefit for Brighton, and a yummy one! You buy a ticket to the event, which you can buy from me, and when you get there you get to taste yummy food from all kinds of restaurants on the north side. Last year, Kemille, Dixie, and I attended and had a great time. It was a beautiful day, and I ate more than I should have. :) At the end, I still had some tickets left over.
But, I digress.

So, they need 750 bags stuffed for the event and since I have amazing friends, I said I'd take the job. My plan ... in mid-April (as soon as I have the supplies) ... I'll put out some yummy munchies on the bar and you can come over and spend as much time as you have available talking, eating, and stuffing. I'll let you know the dates as soon as I know. I hope you'll all show up to visit and help.

Dentist Appointments

We have the best dentists in the world! Today I took all 6 kids in for checkups, even Ryan. At each child's first appointment, Dr. Bob has his picture taken with the child. We now have pictures for all 6 kids with the dentist. I thought you all might enjoy seeing these.

It's a grape.

It's a grape.
Just a grape.
One single grape.

But my boys were
fascinated
by this grape.

Poem by David Mann

Fire or Ice

A difficult question, though it seems nice,
Which way will we all go: Fire or Ice?
My first hope, I must say, (for I am no liar)
I had hoped that it will be fire.

Because then, I said, there would be no pain,
The time would come and then firey rain.
Then again, I said, mankind takes long to burn,
So I guess that I have a lot I have to learn.

So fire is out, I said, then what about ice?
It’s not much more painful then everyday head lice.
But, I said, what if people are frozen?
Maybe it is wrong this thing I have chosen.

It’s a good thing, so nice,
That I don’t pick, (I got it wrong twice.)
Because of this question, I’ve gotten quite sick,
And I shall end with a question: What would YOU pick?


FIN

Jessica took these pictures of Deborah today while they were cleaning (aka playing in) their room.

Another cake by Jessica

Jessica made this cute cake for one of her friends at church. Her friend just turned 14 years old and is thus joining the church's young women group called "Miamaids." It's the class for young women ages 14 and 15. The decorations on top of the cake were carved from rice krispy treats and then covered in fondant and painted with edible paints.
She really loves making these cakes and just keeps getting better. I love that she's so willing to share her talents with others.

Deborah took this picture of me this morning as we were getting ready for church...